I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
