Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize