Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
