I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
