Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize