Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
