I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
