What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
