Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
