I want to have your abortion
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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