the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Drake has all the answers
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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