I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
