My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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