While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
