dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So many bounce houses so little time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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