somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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