using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize