weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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