There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Someone shit on the floor
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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