"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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