apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
