matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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