Fuck appropriateness.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
