I am puke
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize