I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
