her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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