AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
