Don't you send me to vm
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
