come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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