You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
