I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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