Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
