I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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