yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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