is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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