Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
