she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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