Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
