Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
