Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
