Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
