Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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