i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
