Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
