i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
