my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
