This is not my ceiling
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
