Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
