I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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