you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize