He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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