So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
