me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize