I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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