Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
