Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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