suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
