I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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