Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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