trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize