Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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