I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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