I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
