The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
