Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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