remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize