Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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