she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
