you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
