I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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