And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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