you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize