I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The best revenge is premature balding
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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