Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
