My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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