He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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