the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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