okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
