I just saw a hot homeless man
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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