i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how can u be prego again
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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