This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
