so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
