At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
