I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i love accidental penises.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
