It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You know, be my cock's hype man.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
