woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
