Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
