Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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