i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
