Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
