Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
