i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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