he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
