I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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