I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
