This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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