carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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