from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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