Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
