Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
