My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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