guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she woke up with a sticky ear
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
