Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
