Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Buhtt sex?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
