I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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