it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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