margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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