You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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