I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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