Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
